What I Thought and What I Said IV by thebreathbefore, literature
Literature
What I Thought and What I Said IV
All the questions that Ronan had been asking himself for months stood only inches away from him, solid and imploring and so disarmingly beautiful beneath his granite hands. He was nothing like Gansey—he didn’t know how to have beautiful things. He didn’t know how to hold them without scratching them, how to keep them without locking them away from the beast that he was. Someone as beautiful as Adam Parrish could never belong to him. Truthfully, Ronan wasn’t sure someone like Adam could ever be owned by anyone at all.
He was only standing close then because Ronan had forced himself into that space, and he only
Boys are taught to be strong. To be a man. I always asked myself what that meant—being a man. If I followed my father’s example, being a man meant never showing weakness. Never stepping down. Never looking back, but also never really moving forward. His friends called him a “man’s man” and he always wore his lucky belt buckle. He was the face of every man I’d ever seen in Houston, with hair that was long in the wrong places and skin that had gone leathery from too many hours in the sun. It was his idea to name me Russell because he read somewhere that it was “an enchanting name for extraordinary
She was a girl ripped in two.
Tucked into her bedroom, with the door slightly ajar so her parents couldn’t accuse her of being distant, is Venessa De Castro. Music floats gently through the air just loud enough for her to hear. She's bent over her desk, the line of concentration coming and going from between her brows. It is six o'clock on a Tuesday night and for the next two hours, she will focus on nothing but homework. Just like every other weeknight of every other week in every other month. It is monotonous, but it is easy. Of course, she would do it even if it weren’t. Report cards hold crisp, black A’s all i
What I Thought and What I Said IV by thebreathbefore, literature
Literature
What I Thought and What I Said IV
All the questions that Ronan had been asking himself for months stood only inches away from him, solid and imploring and so disarmingly beautiful beneath his granite hands. He was nothing like Gansey—he didn’t know how to have beautiful things. He didn’t know how to hold them without scratching them, how to keep them without locking them away from the beast that he was. Someone as beautiful as Adam Parrish could never belong to him. Truthfully, Ronan wasn’t sure someone like Adam could ever be owned by anyone at all.
He was only standing close then because Ronan had forced himself into that space, and he only
What I Thought and What I Said by thebreathbefore, literature
Literature
What I Thought and What I Said
There are nights we want to lose. Nights when our sense of time falls away and we are victims to the impossibilities of our brain as they’re presented to us in the flesh. They are undeniable, but we deny them anyway. We try to lose them in the elaborate menagerie of our youth, to tuck them between everything that is normal until the memory is so dulled we are almost able to leave it behind. Almost able to forget.
Almost.
This is the word that makes Adam Parrish’s hands clench into fists.
The night he wants to forget is the same one he will never be able to lose. No matter how many insignificant memories he piles on
What I Thought and What I Said III by thebreathbefore, literature
Literature
What I Thought and What I Said III
Unfortunately for Ronan, Adam Parrish was the only one around, and he cared enough to do more than listen. He kept that part of himself compacted into tiny, hidden corners of his mind, but that never stopped them from seeping through the edges. Sometimes it made it difficult to be near him, and other times it nearly impossible to be away. The strength of it scared him now more than ever, because he needed to get away and there was no escaping. Ronan’s fingers formed a vice around his bony wrist, trapping it in mid-air only inches away from the rusted silver doorknob. Seconds away from freedom.
Finally, he asked, “What̵
What I Thought and What I Said II by thebreathbefore, literature
Literature
What I Thought and What I Said II
Ronan Lynch was breaking, and Adam Parrish was the one with the battering ram.
Every touch of their legs was a silent, screaming confession that no one else ever seemed to be able to hear, and every glance was a risk. Over and over, though, he realized that it was a risk that he was willing to take. Seeing the way Adam’s sunken eyes sloped into strange, prominent cheekbones, and how those jutted into an impossibly straight jaw—it drove him mad. But not seeing it drove him even more mad.
Too often, when he saw those curiously beautiful lines, they were stained with bruises or speckled with scratches. He’d come to
Boys are taught to be strong. To be a man. I always asked myself what that meant—being a man. If I followed my father’s example, being a man meant never showing weakness. Never stepping down. Never looking back, but also never really moving forward. His friends called him a “man’s man” and he always wore his lucky belt buckle. He was the face of every man I’d ever seen in Houston, with hair that was long in the wrong places and skin that had gone leathery from too many hours in the sun. It was his idea to name me Russell because he read somewhere that it was “an enchanting name for extraordinary
She was a girl ripped in two.
Tucked into her bedroom, with the door slightly ajar so her parents couldn’t accuse her of being distant, is Venessa De Castro. Music floats gently through the air just loud enough for her to hear. She's bent over her desk, the line of concentration coming and going from between her brows. It is six o'clock on a Tuesday night and for the next two hours, she will focus on nothing but homework. Just like every other weeknight of every other week in every other month. It is monotonous, but it is easy. Of course, she would do it even if it weren’t. Report cards hold crisp, black A’s all i
I went to my first ever writing workshop yesterday. I was so nervous that my palms were sweating and my heart was actually pounding in my chest. I honestly can't remember the last time that I cared that much about anything. It was so wonderful, and everyone was so lovely. If you're in the Portland area, you should definitely look into attending.
I'm lonely today.
There are plenty of complicated, poetic ways that I could say it. I could probably phrase it differently and make it feel a little less like a confession. Moving across the country to a state you don't know is hard. Walking down the street past people that know where the best Thai restaurant is, is hard. Everything feels a little hard right now. Whenever I'm not at work, I feel like I'm floundering. I feel lost. I don't know what I'm doing and sometimes this move feels like the stupidest thing I've ever done. All I can do is make choices that will take me to the place I want to be.
I signed up for a writing workshop next S